Top Tracks for Leona Lewis (playlist)

The last few days I have been going over the year and what been happening. My brother had cancer then was better and my mum look like she wouldn't live beyond this year. Me not coping with my mum and wishing for help and understanding. Then My sister in law has two lung transplants and is still not out of trouble lucky to get out of bed. my big brother has a heart attack and then finds out the cancer is back, off for test. My mum is not getting any better, so what do we do, put her in a home where she not happy. My brother test come back, the cancer has spread to his from his neck down to hips on the left side. told by the doctors take you time for treatment no rush. So he now on his way down and enjoying his life to the fullest. Me so stress living here and the way I have been treated. Lisa moves in and trying to build her a room at the back and still not finished but no one cares. It nice to have Connor here. Me lost my bf and still lost them. Idiot had his fifty and no one went and came home and abuse us all, so Im glad taking Stacey away from this, when we go to Melbourne so her and I can have a peaceful holiday than worry about what's next. He was really nasty to the kids and then calling me see you next Tuesday a few times but I had no one to talk because I have no bf any more. My stress level is going over time and few panic attacks and blacks out. My big brother will be here soon, spoke to both of my boss that Im taking off to see him and cry a bit with one and then we had a laugh about some other stuff. My k school boss has been great support when I told her last week. So what a year and its not over yet. No wonder I don't want to leave my bed any more. Hey look on the bright side Jess is getting married on Nov 3rd and Connor turns 1 in Nov and Stacey is 17. So for now Im looking forward to Melbourne with Stacey and enjoying my time with her and then lets see what happens after Nov with my life. Oh I love this song and its for MY family. Cheers Deb

Bruno Mars Talking to the moon lyrics

Count On Me - Bruno Mars Lyrics

Bill Withers - Lean on me

behind the eyesI

I look into her eyes and see nothing but aloneness and pain and then I look in the mirror and see the same. It hurts to know that this girl at 14 and this women at 50 are still in the same pain and aloneness. Am I wrong with what going on or am I wanting this to be. Do I want to be by myself, maybe this is who I am. Sometime I wonder it easier for me to be and then I don't get hurt and then I don't expect anything from anyone. Then there is no disappointment when people let you down or you cant get what you want. Why cant I get out of this, why cant I see what is happening and all I want is to be happy and I don't know how to be.. Why is life so easy for others and see them happy with everything. All I want it have a little more so I can do things. LIke not to worry about money just spend whenever I can and not worry about how to feed my family or to paid the bills. I would love just fly away to anywhere and just enjoy and not feel guilty. Now we have put my mum in a home and now I feel even more like a failure to my dad, we promise him. I am a failure at my study and didn't complete my uni but thing is I still wish I was a teacher but I know it never going to happen. So I look at this photo and still the pain and hurt from all the pass and knowing this person so well she still feel the same way. Why cant I get over this, is because I think I need to be punish and hurt with pain. I don't feel good enough for my best friend, why is this so. I don't feel IM good enough for my children they need some better than me, maybe me being in this marriage is what I derisive. Well I think this enough here I need to go back to my personal diary and write there. Cheers Deb