Family

My family is so important to me. No-one will hurt them, if they do watch out. My two older girls are having test done and it really worry me at the moment. To the point I can't sleep and I have been a bit of bitch. My oldest is so lucky to have a baby, things never go easy for her as I have written before with her, she show me all bruise from her needle pricks. But she still having a baby and I'm so happy for her. Then my second daughter is having blood test, last week she pass out at work and I got a phone call to get there. Boy was I so scare, well the doctor did a ecg and then blood test. On Thursday we receive a phone call from the doctors to come straight in. As we did we saw a different doctor which was fine by me. The blood test were not good, she had a liver infection and white blood count is up. So the doctor said more blood test, she is thinking glandular fever but can't discount other things. I'm going with glandular fever, but in my head it the other stuff I'm thinking. We are pulling together as a family at the moment, so I'm trying to study and keeping my family together. This not a easy thing with us, But I'm lucky I have a great mate that keeps me sane. Sharon and Matt and I went to the pictures on Friday to see the knowing not a bad movie, then on Saturday Sharon and I went to see the movie uninvite, which was not what I thought but still a good movie. these two are wonderful friends, I'm just lucky to have both of them in my life and my family. Their whole family are apart of my family which was really hard for to let them in but I'm glad I have.
Cheers Deb

Two week to go

First assignment in and starting to write my second. Once I have done my my class work i can start writing it. My friend Sharon is letting me doing it in her class which is a god sense, I'm lucky to have her as a good friend. She helps me with my assignments, she goes through them with after I have written them. Yeah i didn't quit came close but I know I wouldn't forgive myself if i did, but it hard and sometimes I just don't understand it but i will try. If it wasn't for Sharon I know i wouldn't get through this. Thanks mate. Two weeks to go and we are on holiday yeah I'm looking forward to it. Just got a lot of school work but I don't want do all school work only in the holiday I need some time to me. I been thinking I might catch up with my mum one day in the holiday it will be dad anniversary soon I think I might head to the beach and watch the sea and birds and just think. I love going to mums and just sitting on the beach and just chill. It the only place I feel close to my dad and where i can remember him taking me fishing when i was a kid. It was the only time dad I was close. Dad was alot different when I grew up and I couldn't understand why but I do now he didn't know how to be the same father as he was when i was a kid. I was a grow women and he really didn't understand but he still was protect of me though. I still feel he is still protecting me now.
Cheers Deb

studying

I came very close on quiting but i haven't yet. I have written to my tutors but I have save it, telling them i really can't do this anymore. maybe everyone right, I not smart enough to do this. i really shouldn't have start this and just be a sso. I'm good at that , I'm not good at this. Why can't i write this on my assignments. I really so scare what people would think of me not going on. There is one person opinion that i value, is who I'm really concern what they would think and feel about me. So here i am trying again working on my assignment and trying to make sense but I'm writing.
Cheers Deb

stacey

Today was stacey pres day we went to the swimming pool for it. It was to cold for me to swim but stacey love it. Wow Stacey finally has won the best and fairest trophy, all these years she has alway runner up but never the best. I knew because I do the count on the bf trophys it was hard to keep but I did. i love the way she was so surprised that she won. She did have a great season so heres some photos of the day.


I'm really piss off at myself at the moment, my laptop just decide to crash and guess who didn't put her assignmnet on the my usb me, now i have lost it all and I'm just want give in now that it. I don't want to do this anymore, this is telling to give the idea now no more uni for me, I quit...

family and studying

Today i spent half the day studying well trying to do my assignment but then i had a block. I couldn't find some of assignment on the sasca framework bloody hell, it just start to pee me off. So I woke my son up and took him shopping but i was glad for the shops. Hey it just wasn't only my school pissing me off my other half as well. Gee it really hard studying and working then you got to come home cook, clean, washing clothes and everything else while he sit in his bloody shed and does nothing. Then has the cheek to tell me where all the bloody food there nothing in the house, shit there plenty of food his just being a ass. sometime i wonder why I'm trying to put myself through this shit and just give up on studying is it going to be worth it, not at the moment. I really did enjoy hanging out with Jake and Stacey and they both enjoy it. I took him clothes shopping and shoe shopping. He hate shopping and he kept saying mum we have been at the shop for 3 hours, I just laugh at him. He cost me the bloody earth but it was worth it. It helps me to keep my mind off the idiot i live with and worry about Jess. Well enough of that must try and fin that stuff. I'm go to have a surprise tomorrow and some photos.

cheers Deb

Jess

Jess went to the doc and I didn't know until I read her facebook. She try to ring me today and I miss it. I really wish I didn't because she having test on her heart, she has alway had a heart murmur since she was a baby. They alway said she be fine but now the doc are concern and running test on her. Bloody hell why can't she just have a normal pregnancy no. So i rang her start away and now I'm kicking myself i should rang her early but no I'm caught up in my own little world of studying. So we were chatting about it at 1145 at night but she my daughter and I love her very much and if anything happen to her, I would be devastated she my heart and soul. So now we had to wait and see what happen with these test. Plus she told me they put her on more insulin, she has to have it twice a day. I know she trying not worry me but she mine. I'm her mum and mums are suppose to be their to protect their children and I don't feel I doing a very good job at protecting her. I'm suppose to being studying now but how can I. As I said before I really don't like these months, you know I don't pray but I'm praying to my dad and nanna to look after Jess and her baby. My Angel, my heart and soul and mind are always with you, with all my love and strength is with you everyday of your life use this to help you get through it. I love you Jess and our little one as well. love mum......

Cheers Deb

Cricket

yeah we played cricket tonight, I was playing really well until I hurt myself i should have come off back i just had to hit that last ball. I should have know but not me i hate coming off and I really want to win. They bloody won, sorry nanna I really did try for you. I feel I let her down again not only her but myself. Well I did get top score for my team but that not good enough for me. Hey did hang out with my mate today which is good for me, I was going to hide away from everyone. Which I was until lisa and I had a fight then i need to get out of here. So that is it for us this year in cricket and now I can rest my knee for next season and I really don't care who wins the final. Happy birthday to my nephew tomorrow and my nanna today.
Cheers Deb

family

Well what a week, It start of me getting sick. I tell you what it was not nice to have cramps and nothing can do about it. This went on for days, i would get home from work and just sleep. i didn't do no school work and i had to let my tutors know, they were pretty cool about it. Then Jess tell me she has to inject herself everyday with insulin and still pick her fingers four times a day but at least the baby all right. On Tuesday i got hit by the student I support and it was a shock because there was no realise for this to happen and i was so piss off at my self for the way i react to it. This not me to react that way, I have be hit and I do mean hit and it just didn't bother me. Friday night was the last night for me at coaching my un 9s, it was a bit sad, the girls just given me a hard time which nothing unusual. I will miss this but I'm glad it over. On Monday it my nanna birthday hey if she was alive she would be 105, People think I a bit strange because I know she with me all time and when these things come up, I just don't deal with it at all and I just don't want anyone around. It might be over 13 years since she died but she my Nanna and she means so much to me and I miss her more than anything. She was my best friend and was the only person that knew everything about my life and she still does, she never judge me and was there when i was in a bad place but understood me, no one understand me as she did. Hey if i could I would give up anything to have her back but i know that not going to happen. So she with me and when I need to talk to her I do, but when I'm in bad place i go to her grave and sit and talk to her. I feel her hugging me there. People have told me she not there so why go there, they just don't understand and have their own belief but this mine. With the next two months are hard in my family with dads anniversary and my nannas, these are the months when we lost them and i lost apart of me.

Cheers Deb

school work

One week down and another 12 to go that's cool. I really looking forward going to work and getting away from school work and study to much over the weekend and no fun. Well here my first assignment it on curriculum framework and we had to write 1000 word, easy on this subject yeah right. In the essay It all about this line, In what ways do the elements of the curriculum frameworks reflects current theories of teaching and learning? So if anyone has any idea HELP. I need and go and read the framework for our state in the next few days, which i will and get a copy of it. Well that's it for me and back to reading and going on to my uni site, shit do i have a very boring life at the moment. lol

Cheers Deb