jake

Happy birthday Jake, it hasn't been a great one one but I love you. It a shame you are sick but at least I didn't spend it alone.

mum

This one of the last picture of my mum at jess wedding. This song is for you mum because you are my hero but this not goodbye and I cant say goodbye Im not ready. If I do im alone then. LOVE YOU MY MUM AND YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART <3

kapunda

Stacey and I went to kapunda last night now. To have a look at the cemetery, well didntp see anything at all. My hairs on my arms stood up and I had a funny feeling all over but only in some areas. Well off that subject I hope oneday a old friend will have time for me and have coffee one day but I can't see that happen . On another note on the 28th one chapter closed and a another begins.

love this

I love this and this what's gets me through the dark times. I hope this helps anyone going through what we are. I have print this out for Stacey and put it on her wall so she wakes up to it every morning.

ME

Stacey

I read something I wasn't meant too but i'm so glad I did. It was so scared to think she been thinking that way for a while. I put a friendship first before my daughter as she write. Thinking back she might have been right. No one knew she was going through this and how she was in a dark place and now she even more of a dark place, lucky for her boyfriend. I had to tell him it not about him, its about her. He such a caring one and my family told him your a keeper but. How much she hurt herself to the point she wanted to die. I think that would have destroy me if she did. I'm going to show her councilor because they need to see whats going on. she doesn't have any friends which is so sad. I look at her I see the pain in those big eyes, its so deep. So i put my pain back inside me and give her the attentions she needs and deserve. My mum and her got so close over the last few months when just her and I were going up there. She took a pic of my mum and I just before she died and I haven't been able to look at it. I hope she find the love of friendship again because I would hate to her became me.

looking on the bright side of life

Well Christmas is over. With the life is we need start looking at it different now. Yes mum gone but never and I mean never forgetting. The last thing she said to me was, she was proud of me and I couldn't do anything wrong in her eyes. If people can't see beyond hate and forgiveness, they are not worth being in your life. She knew I was suffering but she didn't want to go, with me hurting. Them she said you will meet people that will want to be a part of your life. Open yourheart a little to let them in but not all the way until you are ready. Even though she not her any more I dream of her helping me. Her last thoughts was of Connor and Jess wedding. Got I miss you mum and its been two weeks now but someone sent me a message yesterday. Enjoy Christmas Deb and remember the ones that have left are here in your heart and always watching you. This someone that's has push themself into my life over last few months, but they know its hard to trust. Old buds from school have been great support though all this. One knows what its like to have no mum and dad. So with all this I have to look forward to my life and go in but it still hurts.

Well its christmas day

Today is going to very hard for my family. This is a Christmas with out my mum. Its only been just over a week when she pass away. So its a very difficult day for us. We all spending Christmas together well my sisters and I. Stacey is off with her boyfriend for lunch and Jess is off with her other family. So the rest of us off to spend with the rest. I have always said mum was the rock that kept us together, she still is. So tomorrow is going be really hard for u, week ago we buried her. God I miss her so much I just realize just how much. I know she be there for us. My family is worried because. I haven't cry yet.Bonnie and Andy and Dave wont be there, Bonnie is Olympic out for the day she just wants to sit in her garden and hang with the dogs. Dave is still in treatment and we were lucky he got to come to mum funeral. So you guys will be in out hearts. Well merry Christmas everyone and enjoy your day with your family.

MISS

What I miss, every Christmas Eve a old friend and I would take our families to see Christmas light and spent time opening present. We did this every year but not anymore I miss that. I wish I could talk but that can't happen. This has been a very hard year and wish it was finally over but its not going to be any better next year. I was told something that hurt even more but I need to move on. I just think what comes around will bite them back. I God I miss you and need you more than ever and I need to talk. No I wont cry.

my family

My children are so wonderful, today they got me out to go the shopping. They trying to get me in the Christmas spirit. I can't no tree up, no decoration up. No Christmas cards, just not Christmas here. Giselle gives me different colours, I was her purple nanna then I was blueand when my mum started to get sick she start saying to Jess. I was black nanna, I was black nanna. This was very weird could she see my Aurora. Could she see the pain I was going through when no else could, she always hugging me a nd just loving me. So for now I'm black nanna.

Hospital

I didn't think I would be back here at this hospital to soon. As can see mum was rushed down here from the yorke on the flying doctors. This is where we were told she was dying. We did go and I felt sick as well but NY sister in law was there. She going to being there for awhile they can't work out was going on. She has been a God sent for me. Its been so hard to watch my mum die but she told me to forgive people that have hurt you and live life. Open up my heartfrom hate and hurt to the people that have hurt me. So I have, she wonderful she inhigh spirits and she knows it hard for me. So now we pray that she gets better for my brother and us. We can't take anymore of this.

ok

Ok we are wondering what we have done to go through all this pain. There is one thing Christmas is over for us. Just talking to my brother my sister-law is not doing great, shit she only 59. We are so over hurting no more. I'm not coping with my mum passing and this on top of every thing else. Michael hurting because never got to say goodbye to his Nan andthe rest are hurting because of all our family's stuff. Stacey is wonder why 3 passing in couple weeks.

MUM

Oh mum I need you more than ever now and i cant sit down and talk to you. You would help me and listen to me. I missing that already. Why are they keep hurting me mum, why cant they leave me alone now.

come on

Gee what's going on,getting more bad news. Christmas is started to look like no fun. We just been told Michael lost his Nan.We didn't know so in the last couple of weeks is really no fun. 3family members gone. I'm so over this year and its all bad luck.

Well

Well at least I know who more important, not me. Take everything away from me. You win I give up, I have had enough. Kick me while I'm down but who cares.

Lost and alone

There is only one person, I wanted to talk but I can't. I need only one person but I can't. I'm so lost and alone.

Stacey

Stacey is trying not to show the hurt. She said mum I haven't heard anything. We were supposed to be best friends I rang her and private mess them on Facebook,nothing not a thing. I told her not to worry .

walk

I went for a walk along the beachto try and clean my mind. Didn't work I feel even more lost and alone than I did before. No body can understand what I'm going through. Two more days and the funeral I don't want to go. I haven't cried yet.

MUM

To my mum,dad and my nanna you are all together again and mum with your mum and dad and brothers. I have always envy people with a dad, because they were lucky. Now I have no mum and dad people are lucky to have parent alive. I have no one left for me. :(

not goodbye

Today is a day I will never forget, the 12/12/12 is the day my whole life has change and will never be the same again.

one day

One day at a time this is my life at the moment,no planning for anything at all.

Even though

Even with everything going on, I am quite happy and I have realise I can finally be me and I can deal with anything now. I don't let anyone get under my skin and I'm enjoy my life again. I have felt this good for a long long long time. I know I'm back. Thanks

Family

After a big weekend. My niece Sarah got married at victor harbour. So we left home yesterday at 8. We stay at a beautiful two storey house. Sarah was married at macranken country club. We stay just across from them. I will share photos later. Just a bit tired now. I drove from one coast to another coast and back home. After dropping every one off home, I drove over to the yorke to see my mum and have some time with her. Stacey took a picture of her and me because it might be the last time. Well I'm off to bed, back to both workplace tomorrow.

Peter

Our family isn't doing great, my uncle Peter pass away on Monday and we didn't know until the after the fact. We can't believe it and sad that he has gone. RIP uncle Peter

Stacey

I have been so lucky with the support from my work mate at the south, they have be the best thing for me and my family. Stacey has been working down there with me, well she been working with our art teacher. She been working with one of my teachers too and the kids just love her and so does all the staff. The big question is now well she is thinking about being a teacher, well a art teacher. She has done a great job an next week she working in the r/1 classes with art and cooking classes. I'm very lucky too have a lot great people I work with to take her under their wings and just what she needs. :)

Mum

Leukemia. We were told my mum leukemia is back, she was out of remission. it has been a hard time for us and a confusing time. On Monday my world was rip a part, the flying doctors flew mum down here to the hospital. She not in a great state, so I we all rush in and wait for the doctor. Yes the leukemia is very much back but the word BUT this all we need to hear the BUT word. Your mum is really not well, i'm going to be blunt with you. Your mum is dying and my heart just drop but i need to stay strong for my mum. Then they wasn't Finish there, your mum heart is failing and her lungs are and her kidneys. So that's all I'm going to say. All I know it not long to go and I lost my mum. We are fighter because my mum and dad bought us up well and we are Wortmeyer's. Tomorrow we are all going to try and been happy family and support my sister and her family with my niece wedding, mum was coming but she be there in spirit but not in body. I love you mum.

hell and back

Its been a tough few months for my family and now its not going to get any easier. Don't think Christmas going to end a happy one. Hey we are tough one and we are supporting each other through this time. I did have a laugh today to see how petty Some people can be. Then I thought well I'm so glad it over because seeing the real truth.

oh no

I got the worst news today when sister rang me at work.After 40years its back and there might not anything anyone can do.

Finally

Got a new house phone on a much cheaper plan, thanks to Telstra. Every thing is new now we finally get calls when I give the number. They just set my mobile to it. The only need to know will get it. Love it, even have our Internet connect to it, so stacey can have my lap top and I can use this. Whoo just got to work out how.

Les Misérables-- INTERNATIONAL TRAILER -- Official HD [Universal Pictures]

I cant wait for this movie. I'm dying to see.

Just some random things

Its book

Wow this where we are staying for my niece wedding, a two story hoes and it beautiful and didn't cost much to stay, we only have to walk across the golf course to the wedding and reception and back. We all looking at thinking shit do want to go to the wedding or stay there. So here are some photo of it.

This all I want

This all I want is peace, so here is a flower of peace.

On the right road.

╰ღ╮❤╭ღ╯ Remember that you were born with a divine purpose and destiny that only you can fulfill. Be your authentic self if you want to fulfill that dream that sleeps within your soul. My life is much happy now and as Alison keeps telling me, I need to find myself and start doing things for me not anyone else. It a hard lesson to learn but with my buds at the south it working. She could see it when we meet the other day. I had a spring in my step but it still long road to go but I'm on the right road. Ready for the next hard road that is coming.

So true

Yes I am leaving past in the past and dealing with it and it getting easier and easier everyday.

Life

Well last week was a little hard for us but hey. Stacey struggle with her exams only because what she going through. At least the high school principal knows what going on and is supporting best as can, they been wonderful for her. Having her own youth worker and her clinician they been brilliant for her. So we are getting to be in a great place before she goes through hell for a while. With me getting a tattoo has giving me a new leaf of life I'm so happy and love life. Living my life for me not for someone else has help. I still have my nails and i don't mind them. Stacey going out with one of her friends at the weekend has help to enjoy life and on sat night hanging out her other friend is just been a god sense. Jess is enjoying her Married life and Lisa is still Lisa, Jake has finished school but he so happy and still losing weight. Soon it going to be my niece wedding then my family will get together again. Well thats it for now enjoy life.

Well I finally got one.

Today I finally got one and it all me. Have finally got a tattoo on me and it who I am. I love it so much. Here a pic of it. A angel and the sign of the Gemini.

HMMMM

I just wonder who like to read my blog, there seems to be the same ones on here? I don't mind if you are enjoying reading it but if you are keeping eye on me thats a different story but hey if thats what you want to do, do it. You wont find anything bad on here but all about me and my family. ENJOY

life

Yes

Tonight going to have a few drinks, it has been s hard week but fun. Thank god last day of swimming. Love stirring my buds from south, they take it from me now and give it back. Looking forward to the holiday, stacey and I are going to do a lot of day trip. Looking at mt remarkable and other places. I have lots decision to make.

Stacey

Today Stacey turn 17, wow how time flies I remember her when she was born. She save my life when she was born. Thats why we are so close together, because it was her and I. So here some photo of her.

Lonely

Just laying on stacey bed with her, crying. Why now I really do miss my friend so much. Just wish things were different but they are not. My family keeps telling me if they were true friend they wouldn't have walk away or now they would fight back to talk to you. Why do I dream of them talking to me and stacey said she even start to dream about them. Why is what I want to know why is someone keeps helping me dream about because I'm trying not too. Dont even think about them that much anymore but my dreams are. I have cried enough and I don't want to anymore. It's started to be hard to think of the good time and now just thinking of the bad times which wasn't a lot. Please no more dreams.

I can't

Over the last week or so, its time I move from here and find somewhere else to live. I been thinking another state or even the country. It will help Stacey to be happy and then she wont be afraid to live the life she should. Well my baby is 17 tomorrow and how she has grown into a beautiful young lady and she has grow up so much lately and she will have to go through a lot soon and her motion will be hard to control. I'm seeing it now with me, Nathan and school and wanting to be alone and having no friends that understand her. She told me that she has told someone what happen to her and what she will be go through soon. It time to start thinking about my future and other things. Its time to move on from everyone in my life. The good and the bad. The ones that say they are your friends and you know they not anymore. So please don't take this the wrong way, if I don't talk to you don't take it the wrong way. I just don't trust you anymore.

Jason Owen's: 'Make It Last' - Winner's Single - Grand Final - The X Fa...

I like this guy he was so down to earth and he was so different. He might not have won but he still won my heart.

yes

Guy Sebastian - Get Along

I love this song , it has so much meaning to it. I just wish we could just get along.

This is how I feel

more saying

Jess and Chris layout

Tonight I was thinking about how to do this page, hey it might not be perfect but its all mine. This is my daughter wedding pictures of her hubby and her.

Art

Over last couple of weeks I have been trying all different art works. Where I work we have been teaching the student different ways of drawing and other things. So I have getting more and more into it. With scrap booking, card making and drawing my feelings. Alison told me it will help with all the stress and worry we are going through, so stacey and I have been buying help of art stuff over last few weeks. I'm trying charcoal drawing and I'm in a middle of a page of Jess wedding.

move on move on

Yep move on and move on, I am but I still want to be friends. Yeah you have your friends and I'm not one of them. I just want to be mate that's all. yes you have your support that's find because I have to much going on in my life to support anyone and only my children I can support. Yes you don't like me writing on here about it but its the only way i know you get told. All I want us to sit and talk and clear things up, not in a nasty way, just clear things. Ok no more.

Finish product

Here is the finish product of Stacey painting, it brilliant. Im going to frame this art work.

Yeah

It's just not right, talking about something to someone and I have leave the room when they walk in its just not fair or right all. No wonder I'm bitter about it.

Stacey

Im so proud of Stacey art work she very talented. Here a painting of Stacey is doing for her art class. Yeah it not finished and it bit dark. This how she feel and how her mind is working. Every day its getting harder and harder to get her up for school and she is suffering I cant do anything to help but just been here when she cries and needs a hug. So here is the photo of her painting.

Facebook

Facebook is a waste of people time and it not a great place to many back stabs. It not a safe place and it a place where you loose your friendship. I have learnt a lot over the last few months about people. It can be a sad place for people too, I see my kids get hurt by comments and even I can say I have made a bad comment too. I lost someone that meant a lot to me and I never ever thought I would lose them at all but maybe it was time for us both to move on. We are heading in different direction, I have personal stuff going on with my kids. This will be the last time I will ever write this because it time to go with out them in my life, like they have with out me. I hope maybe in the future we could be friends again but can't at this time. They can't forgive me for something and I can't forgive them what they have done to me, it has made me very uncomfortable at my work place because if it. So we both have hurt each other.So thats it for this subject and it will never bought up again. I really worry about my children, so that going to be my first and only thing in my life for now. I just want to say this, I'm lucky I work with the most supporting staff ever and how they care about my personal life. We support each other,but the only thing is I have only told one person I work with what is happening now. Stacey is using her art to put her feeling in, there is a lot of dark pages and anger. NO MORE FACEBOOK FOR ME>

My Family

My beautiful Jess and Chris and my wonderful granddaughter Giselle.

I'm glad I saw this smile on this day, this is a memory i will never forget. Last Sunday I didn't see this smile as much but tears. It going to be a long and hard road for my family but as our family goes we are tough, we always will. Love you all and I will stand by you both until the end.I'm listen to Stacey sing sad song but I still a little smile now and then. So I will be standing right next to you both until the end and then after that to. I will help you both in the time head. LETS SHOW EVERYONE THE SMILE ON OUR FACE AND NOT LET ANYONE HURT US AGAIN AND DON'T LET ANYONE FEEL LIKE THEY CAN BEAT US DOWN EVER AGAIN.

Just one of those Days

Fallen - Sarah McLachlan

I have started to love this singer and her song, hey they maybe sad but they are telling stories

In The Arms Of an Angel - Sarah McLaughlin

Every time I heard this song it makes me cry because of all the people that have gone from my life, we will meet again some day.

Moving on

Time to move on and just be who i was 7 years ago and its time just do what I want and not worry about anyone else and then one day, maybe, just maybe some one will walk into my life.

"Hang On" by Plumb

For my beautiful girls hang on your family is with you all the way. My love is with you both and I will stand right next two and love and support you both.

Wow

R.I.P. Robyn Parrish! I couldn't believe me old school mate pass away yesterday when they turn off the machine and they were hoping she would breathe on her own but she didn't. You were so young to go, I hope yopu are at peace now and no more pain. Always in my thought and heart. See you Robyn one day will meet again and have a drink up there.

Thanks

I work with a great lady, today I sat by myself and she came over. What up Deb you look so stress and worry, non of this you look mad or angry. So I told what going on, we have only be working together the 6 weeks but it like we are newbie and we get on so well. She put her head on my shoulder and I put my on her head. It was nice to her why look stress, not angry like I use to get somewhere else. Well that's it and after cricket I'm going to see if I can make scrap page on Jess wedding.

Thank you is all need to be said

Last time

It be very hard day today for my girls and me and over the next few months and years, it not going to be easy for them, well we hope not years and just a couple of months. Today I found something out that explain alot with eldest daughter. Well that it about that. Here are some photos of Connor and Lesley 50 birthday. Connor turn one this week and he a cutie and we all love him.

Last night was Lesley 50th Birthday, it was great to see her brothers i grew up with. So here are some photos from last night.