just a short one

Feeling sick still and i don't know why its not getting better, is it my teeth still or something else. I did ask for help but no answer, well ok then. I feel nothing is helping and its getting me down even more than I am. Monday off to training for my work, gee cant wait. I always wonder why they ask me to this stuff because I'm not very good at anything. I'm starting to wonder if i did make the right decision, maybe i should have just try and tuff it out but no Im a bloody weak.

Well thats it got to go back to sleep and I hoping all the sleep I have had to day will make me feel better.

Cheers Deb

welcome home

My son arrive home tonight it was lovely to see him walk through that tunnel with a big smile on his face. I had a very happy face and I was trying to hide the tears. He walk up to me with a big hug and that all I need from him to know he was home. Please don't judge me and its all i could do but now I'm thinking was it right or not. I know in my heart it was the only way for me now and now I need to get well because I cant take it any more. I keep asking dad to help me because I need it, or my nanna because I'm scared that this wont going away but I am looking forward to weekend just not going to work and relaxing. Come dad and nanna help me please because I finding it hard to remember, what is happening to me.

Well that it off to bed my head is thumping and so is my body and mouth

Cheers Deb

Done

Well i have finally did it, well l hope I don't regret it , but I didn't have a choice and I still don't.

Cheers Deb

ENOUGH

I have really had enough, all I want to do is go and sleep for ever and never wake up until every is better. Happy Birthday to my Dad, he would have been 81, god i miss him so much. Maybe if was around he would put things in the right order for me. he knew how to help me and he knew what would be right for me or he just support me. My life might better than it is, but then again maybe not, but to be honest all he had to is just smile at me  and say Debbie I love you no matter what and just remember that all you need is love, well his love and my kids love and that's all I need. That's is all I keep thinking, you got their love so you be all right, but I don't feel right and I just seem to get things right. Maybe I should just be lone again, then again maybe not. Why is everything so hard and why do I always have to make decision. Maybe life shouldn't be any more and at least then there is no more decision but i think my dad and nanna would kick me in the ass if they saw me again.

Well that enough I feeling i need to sleep again.

Cheers Deb

up, up and away

My son Jake went to melbourne today, had a very sleepless nite last night. I did take him to the airport and wait until I saw his plane took off and then off in the sky and i hope I see him again. Well I had a few tears and very worried look on my face, which I hid from stacey but she know how much I worried that might be the last time I see him. I did take some pic of him but it a bit had to see him, but it could be the last. So for the next 5 days I be not sleeping and very quite person this how I deal with my stress, I will go back into myself, where I feel safe

Love ya Jake and I will miss you

Cheers Deb

end of the first week

Well the first week of school is over, all week I have been very sick and not getting any better. Had my wisdom tooth out, as well as another one, it got infect and now it still is. On antibodies but it not getting any better, my body is hurting and I have hot and cold flushes but today it has been just bloody cold. I have enough of  it being sick, haven't got on my uni site at all and it has been going for two weeks. I think it might time to stop until I'm better. The way I feel at the moment I cant do any of it, I get home from work and just fall asleep on the lounge and no study and no school work is happening. Well have no more energy so I off to bed again need to get up for work in the morning. Bring on the weekend.

Cheers Deb

can you

Uni start this week, I was advice to take off 6 months from it but if i do I cant see myself going back but then again I might have more focus and enjoy it again. So for now I am going to still continue but only one unit only.
It been a horrible month and I hope its going to get better, I wonder if i walk away from everything what would happen. Would you stop me and make sure I'm all right or would just let things go. Am I not that important enough, to keep or is just much easier just to let go. Maybe i care more and not let things go, sometimes I wonder that I care more than you do and sometimes I think you are more closer to me, than I'm to you. So if I say goodbye, you just let me go,  is  it so easy for you and don't you wonder why and fight to find out.
Why is love, family and friends so hard, why cant we just forgive and forget things that happen to us, it is not in our nature. I love my children so much it just hurts to see them hurt and now they don't need me as much, it so much harder just stand back and watch them make mistakes.
Well back to studying and started to enjoy what I have and not what I would like or just cant be and enjoy who I have in my life and hope they do the same.


Cheers Deb

Dont

As the title said I don't know. That what is happening with me at the moment I don't know. Why to much happening here and way to much to watch for and worry about. When I know more I can say but I don't know and that the problem.. I don't think anyone can help me and I think people will think I'm a bloody idiot, but I just don't know. Well uni start monday and I'm just not ready for it, no books order.

Cheers Deb

Teenagers

I have a daughter in a lot pain because of her so calls friends, She decide to not go out with this boy and all her friends are giving her shit and taking his side. My god facebook has a lot to answers for, my daughter is getting heaps of stuff throw at her by friends that have know her longer and should be there for support. I might have to think about taking her out of this school and take her somewhere else if things don't settled down for her. For god sake she fourteen and really doesn't want a boyfriend. Why do kids act like this people break up all the time, yeah this boy was nice and kind but she only fourteen. She is my concern and she doesn't know who are friends anymore and all she is doing is crying. Her big brother asked do need me to makes some phone calls and he just wants to protect her which is very sweet and her Cruz just want to wrap her up and protect her to. I love my niece  she always there for her which is cool. My heart is breaking just thinking about how hurt she is and I cant do anything to take the pain away. I read what everyone is writing and all I want to do is just write things back to protect her. I asked them stop leave her alone but then they all came with came backs so I delete it. I hate facebook and i hate what all her friends are doing to. She is starting to wonder who are her friends and who will talk to her when she goes back to school. What a shit of a day for my house and I got my result in and that all I'm saying on that.....

On a good note had a great couple of days playing nanna with my beautiful Giselle she is so funny and cute. Jess asked if I could have for a couple of days so she could finished moving stuff out of there house.
Jess is not very well and I have a lot of worry about her and doctors are having a hard time putting their fingers on whats wrong, she having more blood test and more scan. She is not getting better and she has to look after a little girl to. That's why I love looking after my granddaughter and giving Jess the rest she needs, it hard being a parent and you have to just sit back and you don't know how to help them. All I know i can do is just support them the best way I can.
I love all my children and I'm very scared that I could lose one of them, that's a parents worst nightmare.

Cheers Deb