I'm sorry

I'm so sorry you had to be hurt by what I did. This morning when you heard what you did and then you cried on my shoulder. It was breaking my heart, you didn't understand what and why. I did try to explain but you didn't understand, but did you. When we talk about it you said i was ok. I love you all and very sorry it has to end like this.
cheers Deb

I love you

You don't know what going on, you are so unware but I think you know something is up. I really have been trying to save you from the hurt but it going to happen soon. He still here and won't leave yet. I'm so sorry for all the hurt you guys are going to go through, I really sorry but I can't take it anymore. I love you all and I will always be here for you all. I know someone else will be here for you to and it not you fault. Don't blame me and forgive me. I do blame myself that you all are going to be hurt, because of me. I know someone said you be fine but you are my baby and I know you brother and sister knows what going on. I love you please don't blame, because I blaming myself enough for you all. I tried to keep it going but I just can't i'm sorry my darling children. Please forgive me...................

happiness

Factor or Fiction this is the question? Happiness yes I see a lot of people happy,my friend is happy, my daughters are happy which I'm glad, my son is unhappy, but is it really happiness. As you can see or read I'm in no mood for happiness. Well I happy my daughter is having a beautiful girl. Everything is suffering at the moment my school works is one, I'm the other. I just can't get this right. I love just hanging with my children and their friends, they don't know. Well Stacey doesn't know, Lisa has idea their is something wrong. She thinks I'm not going to be around much longer, but I'm not that stupid. She has been talking to her new boyfriend about it, which I haven't met yet, but her dad has and all his friends have. I really don't want to be here at home it doesn't feel like home. I would like to go and see my mum, but I have swimming training at the weekend. I really want a few drinks and more drinks lol. As you can see the easter weekend was a fun one and it just not getting any better. My nanna anniversary is coming up and then my dads in the next two weeks what fun. Lets hope more happy time coming and shit I really need to get my mind on my assignment which is due on 27th April................ No more tears I really don't have anymore.

Cheers Deb

Jess

Here are some photos of Jess baby at 19 weeks, she is so cute. She is still in Jess tum but she is cute. She must be from my side of the family, not her dad side but mine. I'm so looking forward to this baby, maybe it wil bring some joy in to my life which I really need at the moment. All I have is my children and really maybe thats all I want. Lisa said something really wierd to me, we were talking, if I wasn't here anymore what would happen to her. She said she wouldn't cope without me because I do everything for her, which is true.

Cheers Deb

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone, gee when I got up there was Easters eggs all over the lounge. I was trying to get pics of Jake, with his Easter eggs or even just a photo. No I always got the blanket covering his face, he finally gave me one. Then when i took photos of Stacey is a different story, she always give the pic i want. I went to the footy yesterday what a great game, all the dramas and the hard tackles and bumps which makes a great game. Yes we did win go you roosters.

I haven't done much over the last few days, which has been nice, just doing some school work but not that much. Trying to keep to myself and not having anyone around me has been nice because I haven't been in the mood for anyone need me. Only my kids can come and talk to me they the only ones i wanted to. Heres some pics of Stacey and Jake and lisa. By the way lisa only just woke up so got a pic of her and she said I need to do my hair lol.

Cheers Deb

Good Friday

Happy Easter everyone. Yes the holidays are here, I'm really glad on thursday I was at breaking point. I think anyone that came near me would have their heads bitting off, I really try so hard for that not to happen but came very close to by the end of the day. I'm sitting watching dvds and just enjoying it. My lovely daughter Jess is going to have a girl, which I can't wait. Everyone thinks they can give me a hard time because I'm going to be a nanna but to be honest I'm looking forward to it. I will keep them thinking that, i really don't care anymore. I really don't care much about anything anymore, life suck at the moment and don't care if anyone get hurts by the way i feel. I'm really sick of be told you can't do this but maybe you should do this, or I want this and you have to do it. The I want and I want is getting on my bloody nerves.
Cheers Deb