boy and a baby

Yes my son was holding Giselle tonight and i finally have a photo to prove it. Jake was actually feeding Giselle and then he sitting on the floor talking to her and playing. It is so beautiful to see and I love just sitting here watching it. He asked if he could feed her and I said yeah. So I have more photo now of her, everytime I See her i take photo's i just cant help it. Yes I was babysitting her again, Jess is out celebrate her birthday. Today 23 years ago i had Jess she was my first and she was so beautiful and I really didn't know what to do with this little baby and now she has her own and i still find it hard to know what to do. Today at work we had sport day gee it was so hot and really tried from it. My mate Sharon and her hubby are off to melbourne on the weekend so I'm house sitting and looking after her daughters, as well as stacey. this is going to be interesting,

Cheers Deb

School Disco

Just got home from where I work, we had a school disco. Boy am I stuff but it so much fun. With the junior primary they are so much fun I can have a ball with them. Just being a idiot and they just laugh and enjoy how I can muck around. The upper primary are a little different, they more hard to have them enjoy themselves. At the moment I'm trying to catch up with my netball stuff, sitting on the floor printing envelopes 400 of them, done about 80 so far. We only have to work for four days this week thank god, school close on Friday ya. Well back to printing and hope to finally finish them.


Cheers Deb

yay

Well it finally work and yes I did ask my mate Sharon how get it on here. So here it is the final page I did on photoshop and its on my beautiful Giselle

lessons

At school we are being train in using photoshop. My mate Sharon is so much of a expert in this, so she has started us on the basic this one I made. This week we are learning different ways of putting little photo to make a big photo together. It nice to learn this and enjoy something different. I would show it but Im having bloody trouble getting to here, well I need a lesson in this so I better get Sharon to show me how.

Well i thought i would show ya where I grew up, well I stayed all my school holidays but there was atime that I didnt stay for a realise but i did miss not being there. Oneday things were all right again and I did spend most of my life here untill 13 years ago and now i just go by and have alook at the old place. As you can see this was my nanna house and it was green and now it purple and blue, oneday i would love to see what it looks like in side. Well that it for me.

Cheers Deb

Why do everyone

Why do everyone expect everything from me and never give back. I really don't understand a lot of people, they take and take and never gives a shit about giving back. This is really gives me the shit and that why i really cant handle being around people. One is my daughters sometime she just wants to much from me and when I dont give her what she wants she get piss with me, she not a child but she acts like one. There is a lot of others and they think good o Deb she do it and Im just wondering what do I get out this. When i say something i'm the bad guy and they make you feel like shit. So i dont say anything and just do it, it easier. Maybe it time I visit my mum and just sit on the beach and watch the water and birds and be by myself. I need to think more about me and not worry what will happen. i think i do that to much. I was told today at work, Deb i think you need a holiday, i just had one. This person said it just look like you didnt and you need time away from everyone. Why cant I get what I want for a change, Yeah maybe they are right and I do need time away from everyone and be by myself, it makes life so much easier. All I do at the moment is see doctors and I really had enough of them and nothing is happening to me and just sick of what they want. Yeah I know it good for me, but I had enough of scans, blood test and just needles. Yeah I know i feeling sorry for myself at the moment but someone has to and Im not going to rely on anyone to care but me and I need to feel this way. I need sleep and i need things to change but I dont know what I want to change.. or how to change the things i need to change.. I hate being in this runt and I hate feeling like this, so how can I get out of????????????

Giselle and me

On Saturday i babysat Giselle, well we all did. Jess had a wedding to go to, so ask if we could babysit. O yes I jump at the chance to have her, she drop her off at 9 in the morning and didn't pick her up until 530 Sunday in the afternoon. Saturday Lisa took her out for awhile and then she was mine, I took her over to my best mates house to show her off. Her dogs were funny, jack he didn't know what to make of Giselle and he came up and sniff her head and then lick her and just couldn't work out what this strange thing was. Then the other dog Sasha was a little put out because I wouldn't let her up on me with Giselle on me. She is so beautiful and what they say is right it nice to have them but it nice to give them back, don't get me wrong I love her to bits but I have had my time. I took more photos of her this time I have her popa in it and Lisa to. Jake i try to get him to hold her so I could have a photo but no, I even suggest that he sit next to her with Lisa but no. The funny thing was he went up to her and pat her on the head and said nice baby. I tease him saying he finally touch her, he does love her and would protect her in a flash. When I was watching Micheal with her it bought back beautiful memories how he was with Jess and all the other kids. The way he held her was just the same as he did with Jess. I saw love in his eyes and my which i haven't see for a while. Yesterday i went out for a while so he look after her on his own, I'm there are you going to be all right yeah yeah off you go, Giselle was asleep when I left so I showed him how to make the bottle of milk up when she wakes up. When I got home i ask how things went they were fine Jake help with making the bottle up and I feed her. The happiness in his face was so beautiful to see. This was very happy moment in our lives that I wont forget in a hurry... and how lucky we are to have the people we love around us and lets hope it never changes....

Cheers Deb

What A weekend

First I cant sleep its 3.25 in the morning, I just a little worry about going to work this morning and its been on my mind all weekend. Do I want to go back where i work or just move on, these are the things that keep popping up at the moment. i don't know what going on with me, i don't seem to get things right at the moment, I say the wrong things and I do the wrong things. I feel like I'm losing people i care about and are important to me in my life, am I that selfish to put me first before i put someone else feeling, I was never like that and I thought I was never like that but maybe I am. If that me I don't like and I have never put me first and i have always put other people first. This is really coming out more over the weekend and by the end of the weekend my daughter made a comment along that line to me. That i was being very selfish and i don't think of anyone but me. It has made me think and I cant sleep because of it. I was like this to someone else and I did hurt their feeling and I was selfish not to think of them but me. I do regret this because I feel this has put some of a gap in our friendship. I do know that my daughter is not talking to me anymore and she thinks that I'm horrible mum. Maybe I shouldnt have people in my life if I'm going to be this way because I dont like. All I know I dont want to lose the most important people in my life and I hope they can forgive me, well my daughter is wrong I alway think of her more than anything.

Melbourne

Sorry i forgot to show the photos from Melbourne. It was such a busy holiday, I have never shop so much in my life and spend money on myself which is unusual for me but I did. On the first day it was dark when got to the airport, it was so beautiful to the morning sun come up and while we waited i got a photo of Sharon playing her new favourite game Dexter.

Then we finally got on the plane wow, i really flying and having fun doing it, Then next lot of photos are looking out of the window and Sharon sitting next to me, thinking bloody hell what have I got myself in for 3 days in melbourne with Deb...LOL

Over the next couple of days were non stop shopping, i have never shop so much in my life, but i can tell your what I glad i did go to Melbourne and I'm glad I'm home to. I did miss my kids and Micheal I are getting on a Little better which is nice. We went on a train this is a pic of Essendon train station and the other is when we got off in the heart of the city.

The last of the photos are on the last day of us coming back to the Melbourne airport, first is the bus we got to and from, the next one is the board of our departure home, the very last of the photos was looking out of the plane in the night it really didn't come out to well but I still wanted it because it was a part of our holiday and I really want to remember it all. Thanks Sharon for putting up with me for three days, it wasn't easy for ya...... You Could say I was little bit of a pain.

Cheers Deb

I am so

Im so piss of with the world and wondering why things happen to me and how will I cope but I have four wonderful kids and a beautiful granddaughter to think about. Not myself, im only a second thought they are the first. The next 2 months are going to be so hard but i will cope knowing they are there. I'm thinking of the future more and more lately, i have never thought much about the future but I'm now. Maybe I'm just getting older and a friend of my would agree with that, she always has something to say about it..... I'm thankful for her friendship and support she has given me over the last couple of years and i'm greatful she came to our school and work there. I really cant wait to start playing cricket soon, it gives me a out of the norm and I love to bat it gives me a way to get my stress out, when that red ball comes close to my bat I can swing so hard at it so it can go as far as it can. im good at this and the girls on my team love me being out there, winning is not what i play for I just enjoy the game.......

Cheers Deb

ok I'm back

Yes I couldn't stay away from here, Well the good news is Stacey and her best friend are still tight. It was funny Stacey was talking on the way home last night about her and em and they are glad they still best friends and they are not fighting anymore. They both said yeah we are just like sisters we fight. I'm glad for her it was tuff to see her hurt and not close her heart. Well back to work next week, last term for the year and only 9 weeks and we are back on holidays again. On Saturday I'm babysitting my granddaughter which I looking forward to it, Jess is bringing her over at 8.30 in the morning and leaving her with me until 12.30 the next day wow I cant believe it. More pics to take of her and i will put them on here. Next week is the last week of uni for me and then i have alot of thinking what I want to do next year, do i keep going or stop. i have alot on my mind at the moment but I need to get it all right, or it could be all over for me. Well that it for now.........

Cheers Deb

no more from me

This is the last time I'm writing on this blog, because i really don't want to share my thoughts anymore. i think they hurt to many people. My daughter Stacey is hurting at the moment because I got her to read someone blog. She was hurting anyway because of what we have talk about over the last two days. Sometimes i wished i never went away to Melbourne, so I might have stop her from being hurt at the moment and her from doing stupid things and she know they are stupid. She feeling like she has lost everything, her best friend, seeing her cry is so hard. i really have tried to bring my kids up not to be afraid of best friends stuff, they will come and go but if the best friend is for real, they will stay for ever. I don't want her to be like me and close her heart to best friend and from pass experience that what i have done. You let someone in they will hurt you someday, now I'm seeing her hurt. Shit I really wished I have never shown it to her but in one way it was good for her to see it. To see what other people are thinking and for her to grown and understanding how and what people say can hurt. The girls at her school are doing this, this will give her a understanding not to be nasty to anyone and everyone has feelings.. I supposed at this age they don't see that, they just think of themselves and some kids can be very selfish and you don't try and break good friendships. You just become friends with everyone. I don't know where her friendship with her best friend will be now but i hope for her its not over. Now she is alone and now one to talk to is what she feels.......... Has all the damage been done or can it be repair or do they want it to be repair, for stacey I hope so I dont want her to end up like me and dont believe........... At least with her reading this blog she know what she did was wrong but the thing was it was my fault, not her and now she paying for a mistake I made. Im sorry for that..........
Well thats it for now, maybe oneday in the future i will come back and write on here but for now no more from me.....

Cheers Deb

Melbourne

Melbourne was a very busy but fun three days shopping. don't think I can go shopping again, well for now. Well I did yesterday for food and just look around on my own. I don't usually spend money on me but I did this time and on all my kids. Stacey was so happy what I bought her back and Jess was rapt in her new guess bag and Lisa couldn't believe her eyes two guess bags, Jake was happy but where are the green tops MUM, my son is into green and then he said please mum you don't have to buy me skull shirts. I love the flying and it was my first time. I saw my sis colleen yesterday and we were chatting about my holiday and my flying experience. She was glad I got away and had a good trip and enjoy the flying..... Her and I were talking about where I should go next and the different places to see and where to stay.....
Cheers Deb