part one

Well back from the yorke, it wasnt easy at all. So much mix emotions going on, with tiredness and angrily. Still havent cried and even asked Rachel why,she said you will when you are ready. Going back up in couple of weeks to bring rest home. Sat night we told stories about growing up and laugh. We all decide to walk waterfall gully in a month then have breakfast. We laughing it might be dinner when we finished. That's my brother and us girls. Packing and sorting and clean floors it wasn't easy but it looks good. It felt like mum and dad were there, hint of smoke came then went. The stuff mum kept from my high school days was great. Things I made keeping the school map and the teachers. How proud she was of me and with dad too.

Circus

Stacey and took Connor to the circus tonight. He loved it and had so much fun. There was a girl next to us and he just couldn't keep his eyes off her. He going to be a lady's man. Lol. Well tomorrow off to the yorke to clean and repair and replace things. This going to be one of the hardest days of my life. It coming to the end of everything my parents build and had. Lucky I have stacey and Nathan coming with me. I'm so lucky to have stacey as my support, she been there for all the time. Lisa has finally realize why my friendship meant so much and she understands why I was so hurt now and sh has said I'm sorry it has end mum. Now I understand why you two were so good as friends, little to late but was nice to know now. We have talk a lot about it a lot and I'm glad she has stop with all the bullshit and being nice about it. Oh I nearly forgot I got way different hair and I been looking at short hair cuts for a awhile so today I did it. Off to hair dressers with a idea and told her and she lets do it. So it done and I love it. :)

I love my new job

Yes I'm left one school, to go and work at another and I love it. I have two wonderful people I work with. One I work with last year and asked if her and I could work together again. They said off course you can. One of the other ask to work with me too, I'm really lucky to work some great teachers in my life. These two are great and I can learn heaps from them. So really I did make a good choice to move on and no regrets at all and my family was always there for me to make this decision. Especially with all that's going on in my family, I really didn't any more stuff. So I have finally move on and now enjoying it. :) is all you can see now.

move on

After 21 years it finally over and I couldn't be happier. A old book close and a new one opens. Yes I am looking forward to a new start and now I can get the respect I deserve. After the way I was treat at the of last year, no way I would go back to a place to be treat like that again. I'm so happy with people I work with. Now Stacey wondering what's going to happen to her when she goes back, she had no contract with anyone, it a shame because of me she can't have someone to do stuff because they wont with me. Oh well at least I know she will work with no one in corner there. It going to be tough year for her with court case and everything else. Lucky she has us to support her and my old primary school mates to be there for her and the guys I work with too

Happier times

Well I went back to work today and heard some great comments about me. It nice to be appreciated and be told that high management highly thought of and my skills. I have a different way of doing things and what I bring to work, it was so nice. Well this weekend is clean up and going through stuff. Today I went to see Rachael, she has done wonders with me. She teaching me to connect with my heart and not just my brain. My heart is the main source and I don't have a connection with it. Yeah the method is different but it helping me.

what a game

I took a awesome catch to night just couldn't believe it. Now everything is finally over and I couldn't be bloody happier oh yeah. No more of me and I am so glad.

Family day out

Today Stacey, Lisa, Connor and I, today we went to the gorge wildlife park. It was amazing and fun, connor had so much fun and it was good to just get out before everything start again. with going to the yorke next weekend to move and paint and re-carpet the bedrooms.this day going to be very hard for us all but needs to be done. Then we have the will reading and then everything is finally. So back today and here are some great photos.

This little monkey was funny he tried to take this ladies glasses out of her bag.

Connor loved these Otto

Connor was telling us what to see next. lol So the last lot of the photos are of us with the Koala.

Stacey

Stacey and Facebook, she has got rid of Facebook and then you don't get asked to do anything. Its so funny none of her so called friends want her if you don't have Facebook. What has happened to ring someone or phone message them. Well she isn't better either, she told me no one has even noticed she not on there. Well the case is starting well all the interviews have. I not allowed to be a part of them because I'm a witnesses, they said she could have a real close girlfriend but she doesn't have one anymore. So her boyfriend is going to be there for her and Jess said Chris would be there for both of them. The CIB lady was great and she understood how I felt but hey all my family will stick with my girls. Stacey lucky to have a great boyfriend by her side with death of my mum and now this. It breaks my heart to see not one friend in sight for her anymore. Jake working at the moment with the cleaning mob from where I worked. He be getting heaps of work and lucky I happened to be there at the time and he hire him on the spot. Well back to work full-time next week and I'm glad I miss the south guys. Big changes for this year and I'm looking forward to them, its a shame I couldn't share them with my mum. Who I miss so much.

Holidays

Planning out next holiday. Easter time I want to show jake and stacey mt gambier and everything around it. I love this sort holidays where you sight see and just enjoy your time. Then later in the the year my sisters and I are going to Tasman to spend some time with my brother since we don't know how long he got. We hope we get there before he goes, he won't tell us how long he got but it won't be long once it's in the bones you don't have long. As you can see my brother has cancer and this is the fifth person in my family and just had enough.

Tv show I love

I have been watch the games of thrones for awhile. I love it and can't wait for season 3. I love cute little dragons at the end of season 1.

The hurt

Yesterday we went through some of mum stuff. It just wasn't my mum, it was my dad and my nanna. I just look as we talk at what we are going to do with everything. This is the worst part of it

Happy birthday

Today my mum would have been 84.  Wow it's been a month now, went back to mum and dad house and just sat on the veranda. Stacey wore a black arm band to netball tonight, out respect for my mum.   We just stood there, I could feel anything at all. I keep getting told it the grief feeling. Oh well, as I said to Alison I need my mum and I need her to help me with these decision I'm making, I need her so much and feel so lost without her.  Well I have a meeting tomorrow better get some sleep ready for it great.  

Mum

Today is my mums birthday. Finally going back to the yorke, which I haven't since my mum funeral. It's not going to be easy but I need to.  Then down to her home which I haven't step foot in since she died. Went to a old friends house yesterday for a chat while stacey swam in her pool. It was nice to talk to someone else than your kids.  I had a chat to Alison about what's going on in my life and she just let me talk and talk.  We chatted about mum funeral and how lovely the bowls lady were. They gave her a guarded of honour.  All this other stuff but I'm not saying to personal.  

Awake

Just laying here wide awake. Thinking what my mum would say to me. Thinking about my future with work and my studies. Which this year I studying cerf 4 learning disability in literacy and behaviour disability. Which should be fun.  So many changes and chance I'm going to take this year.  I will  be making new friendship and going out with downy girls for some fun.  Since they have trying to get me to go out with all last year. Still a lot more but must keep them a secret for now, all will  be told sooner or later but just not now.  Well that's it for now. 

emotions

Today its getting harder, I feel so alone well I am. Everyone I know have turn their backs on me. I really don't know why, I have writing and drawing and will show soon but just not ready yet. Jess told me nanna still here and she not ready to go She scared to talk to her but I said open up and let her in. She might need to pass something on. All I dream is her and don't want to any more.

This is quite true

When I saw this, ilove it and its so true.

Thank you

I would like to say thank you to some one that has point the truth. It's nice to know that I'm abusive person, that this is put on a public form. I was told off if I ever did this against another person. Hey it doesn't matter anymore, I know I'm not. Thank you to a caring person that thought of me with this. I'm glad the truth is finally out and I'm not the bad person at all, as I was starting to think I was. I'm so happy now a part from losing my mum 3 weeks ago. Yes Alison your right thank you. I better person now. So there no more happy memories I had all I see are the last years of unhappy memories. Which is sad. My life is mine and over the last year I lost sight of that which was my own fault, for letting my heart get in the way and not my head which was telling me something different.

I heard this today

If you hold on to a grudge, it will give you wrinkles. I thought this was brilliant and very true. So that's way I don't have wrinkles because life is to short to hold a grudge.

28 days

In 28 days my life will change. It will be end of a chapter of my life and a new chapter will begin. Yes I was worry and scared but now its ok I be all right.