Great week

Loving life at the moment, things might not be going right but hey I'm just living to the max now. Went out watch my nephew first game in the league for centrals. I don't barrick for them and for josh he did all right. I went and stir Luke he played with reserve tonight but hurt himself again. Wait until I see him Monday at work. We have our sport day next week, of course I'm in a colour I can't stand which is green. I was telling my work mates I hate green but I thought alright I wear a green ribbon that should do it. No! One of the teacher I work in class with went our bought me a bow tie and a hat and they are all green. She informed me that she making a tutu for me as well, oh my god. She a laugh, so looks like green it is. The kids and parents are asking if I'm going to do my reporter stuff again, I said I don't know but we have to wait and see. Well that's it for now time for sleep have big weekend need all my energy for it.

Family

Stacey won best and fairest today at the netball pres. We all be losing weight I have lost over 13 k and stacey 5 and jake well he still is. Tomorrow off to the doctor and get something check out. See how all the test are. Well got to go now.

Gran kids

Last night I had both my gran kids. Well Giselle and Connor love hanging out together. Yesterday before footy we went to a Easter hunt with them both and they love it. Connor wouldn't sleep last night he just played in his cot, I think he was so high on playing with Giselle sleep wasn't important. Giselle fell asleep watching a movie it was cute. Early hours Giselle scared the shit out if me she sleep walking and she was just standing there looking at me. Well it does run in the family. We back to them and then off to netball pres.

Jake

Jake protected me today and then I had him cry on my shoulder. My son is going through his own private hell. Tomorrow is pres day for netball. I have a secret but it's had to stay with me for now. Went watch roosters today it was bloody great to see us win.

2013

Last year didn't end well with my family and now in to 3 months of 2013 look like it going get even harder. Yeah you know the old saying when it rains, it pours. Well looks like another cancer scare, my family must be prone for it. Just have to wait for the result but just waiting is a killer. Chatting on the phone to one of the guys i work with. She right, Nothing ever happens to you that you can't handle!!! Some people get a lot more than others coz they have broad shoulders and a heart of gold and iron! Sometime but why us haven't we be through enough with dad and his cancer and my mum with her cancer and my brother and now this. Bloody hell. Come on the shoulder doesn't need anymore with Jess and stacey and now this. Don't ya just love life and it curve balls but as a family ours chin are up and we will smile all the way through.

Over all the bullshit

Yep that's right so over it. Having trouble getting paid right, which is not helping my family at the moment. Other half that gets red light fines, so over it and now I find out he got a bill phone bill like a 1000. Yep so over men. Well the one I live with. I have enough to worry about with stacey after what I have seen today and now getting Jess to talk to her because her other sister is a waste of time. They hate each other and it's getting worst. Some days I feel I'm in a battle wit them both. She just doesn't let up on her and I'm looking forward to the day of peace. Somedays I need to run away from her myself but I take stacey with me. I'm so scared for stacey she hide away but you could say I do to. It's so much easier to. I love one of the guys I work with, we were talking about what's going to happen and she said stacey could go to her house and me too. I'm are you sure, she said yes maybe stacey can it best for her but I want to be there for it. I'm so lucky to find a good heart friend at work that cares for my daughter. She even wants to come to the next ghost tour with me. Well that's all my rant for tonight.

Great week and weekend

I love my job, the respect I get from my work mates is wonderful. They respect my opinion and always ask for it and it funny I get called out of class to go and talk to kids for them. I haven't been this happy in my work for years and im glad I made the choice to move on. I have made great new friends but I still keep then as work friends. As I have said to Rachael I'm happy who I am and I don't need to be with people, im happy to be by myself. Doesn't mean when they ask me to go with them I stay home either. I been going cricket pres with girls and I have netball next week which be interesting to see who wins from my team. As there is about 4 girls that can. Well we lost the cricket final but that's cool we have another go next year. Footy season is nearly here and we are all having fun about our teams st work, with our pe teacher who play with centrals and me with north and my boss with Norwood. It going to be the clash of the colours. Milky is great to work with and it's going to be fun stirring him on the field too. Stacey is going to meet him at the end of the term when she gets back from Melbourne. Im glad she heading there with all the stuff is about to hit the fan here in the next couple of weeks and the stress her and Jess are going go through and us already here now. Jess having a very emotional week with her talking and Giselle was fab she knew that something was going on. She said she won't let that bad man hurt you anymore mummy. I'm so proud of how we are all sticking together and helping these two get through it all. Yes stacey has change because of it and yes she has lost a lot over the last 6 weeks. She in protection mode but some people don't understand and don't want to understand. She protecting herself from more hurt. We all are, my big bro is still having treatment and the dreams I'm having had worried me, so we chatted and he trying to stay strong for me and he isn't telling us everything. Well yesterday was my nanna birthday and I have a lot of stuff of her now which I love. Jake is getting thinner and thinner and he cooks his own dinner when they have pizza. He wants to be a fitness coach now. Last night we went back to tailem town with Alison and co. Stacey and Nathan came with me. It was bloody fun and I'm still remember for the fifty shades if grey. Alison was telling me last night that she watches the Video and laugh because of my face expression. That was a great memory. Yes I can look back and smile now thanks to Rachael. It was supposed to be a 4 hour tour but end up being 6 hours tour. We got home about 3 this morning. Yes I would do it again later in the year. Well that's it for now back to chatting and playing games with my bud from work. :)

Today

After work I had another session with Rachael, wow it was fantastic. She makes me feel so good leaving her office. She told me, that she has notice I have come so far and that how I think it's not bad but good. I reflect on things and see how they work and if i could do it better. She told me its not bad to be this and how proud she is if me. Every time I leave she gives me more to think about. She is totally different and I love it. People would say what a load of bullshit but not me. We talk about my dreams and now I understand what they mean. Time saying I'm finally over it and can look back at the good times but has put it all behind me and move on. Now I have to put it in a compartment and just leave it. I feel so good about myself now and happy about me. I have so much more to learn from her and she gave a little of herself to me, which was nice hear about her life and how she gets over things. The day this stop, I should be so tune into who I am and how people can fit in my life.

Bad end

What bad end to a great week. Something happen at work today but in not going into, all I can say I have a great boss. The dreams and feeling lost and people alway leaving me. I know one thing someone said to me the other day, you will always have me and nothing will ever change that. Yeah I have heard that before from a old friend and now they have gone. She said she means it so I have to trust it because she know what has happen. I don't want to dream anymore they are doing no good to me. Maybe it's hope but I do know different. I went to the gym to get out the way I felt today. I took stacey to the movies to see beautiful creatures I love it and I would see it in a heart beat again. Well grand final Sunday, playing down by Elizabeth. I agree with my work mate get it out batting yep I will. Stacey was telling more about her art and how she has put the last photo of my mum and me. It was take two days before she die. I have never look at that picture, one day. What she said was beautiful. Well that's it for now.