To much going on

Yeah here I am it 4 in the morning not able to sleep, to much going on in my head. Jess had her baby shower yesterday, she got lovely gifts from all that were there. We play some games, one was really yukky. We had to work out what was in the nappy, yep that's right. In them was choc stuff and you had to work out what it was. Jess look so happy which was nice to see and not much longer and her baby will be here. I went to a scan the other day with her, the baby is going to be a real chubby, the nurse said wow she never see chubby cheeks on a baby before but she has them. At the scan she was 8 1/2 pounds and still growing, Jess has her next appointment on Tues we think she will be having the baby by Friday its getting to big. Adult daughters when will they grow up never I reckon, my just doesn't like her mother at the moment and her sister and brother. She said some nasty things yesterday and blames me for everything. that is probably why I'm up and things are going through my head, I couldn't believe she could be so nasty and hurtful. I don't feel like doing anything anymore for her and myself shit I really don't want to go out or go to work, i just want to be alone curl up where no-one can hurt you. people can hurt you to easier and think they have done no wrong, but you get the blame for it, why do people do that. i have never understood that all through my childhood and now my adulthood, if I was wrong I would a admitted it and say sorry for it, is it because they don't see they have and in their mind they haven't. One day I hope I do understand this and may be human nature, well I haven't for the last 40 years. That why is easier not to have anyone in your life, i see why a lot of people just don't want anyone in their life it would be lonely but you wouldn't get hurt all the time, keep people at a distance. well that all the gloom and doom for me, i need to try and go back to bed and get some sleep and hopefully my brain gives me a break. On a happier note only 6 weeks to go, to go to melbourne yahoo.

Cheers Deb