well I'm back

Home from holiday and it was all right but bloody so tired from it. The only thing was I didn't get to celebrate my friends birthday which is this weekend. I couldn't go out with them tonight because of my family, so I didn't get to have a drink with her. Well my sister-in-law is on the waiting list for her lungs transplant and now it wait and wait until a donor comes up,It not very nice to wait until some else dies but it the way it goes and we hope soon because she cant hang on much longer. It funny how people treat other people, you know I have been on some of that lately and I really getting pretty sick of it and one day I just might say something but it not going end well if I did, well more for me and I would loose so much. My daughter must be like me, she would give up things just to be there for her friends and I'm glad I have bought her up that way, then I know she will never be selves in her life and show what's important to her, I was so proud of her when she said she would give up anything for her friend.

Cheers Deb

Melbourne

Off to Melbourne tomorrow with my best friend Sharon, this is her birthday present from me, she will turn 40 on Sunday this week. Really looking forward to it but a bit scared to and wondering what would happen. Stacey has been dreaming that I have plane crash, it was nice to know before I get on one. Bring on Melbourne and watch out you have two women on the loose. On some sad news it really nice to know to get the cold shoulder and how rude you can be by pushing me aside and not even saying excuse me. I'm standing there and you couldn't even say excuse, so I could move instead you pushed your way through, gee we teach our children not to act like and you just do. Hmm is all I can say and next time I wont move and see how you feel when you push me over. Or how your kids feel when they see this happen.

I just don't know

I really don't know what going on, I get up then I get knock down again. I feel so disconnect and I really don't know why. Just wish things were different but they not. Tonight I saw my life flash in front of me. Stacey and I were nearly hit by another car, which was very scary. We were just sitting waiting for the cars to go, next thing we saw was a car coming out of the petrol station and spin out of control and coming at us, just miss my car. All I could think of is how can I protect Stacey from getting hurt. MY life didn't matter but hers did. Well off to Melbourne soon for a couple of days, maybe this what I need, I really don't know at the moment.

Cheers Deb

Over

I try and try but its never good enough for you. I had enough of trying, your important to me but I wonder how important I am to you. So I going to what I want and when I want and when I feel like doing stuff. So get use to it, it the new me.

Lost

I'm so lost over the last few days, I don't where I am or where I'm going. For some reason I don't have patience and I don't like when things are not going my way. Getting so frustrate with work and with what is going on with head office and my paid. It going around in circles and back and forth and no one is talking to each other. I finding I'm alone and that's getting hard, when I want to talk to someone I have to think will they answer or if I text will they get it and that frustrate me even more. With what my brother is going though with his treatment and my sister-in-law is on the waiting list and hopefully she be getting her new lungs soon, if she doesn't want it means but it the thought of my family going though this. My brother-in-law losing his sister over the weekend was a bit of a shock and then I thought,how would I feel if I lost my brother. So no wonder I feel the way I do and I just don't know how to stop this and then I have to tell someone something and I can't, its all eating at me and I think it time to hide in my own little world for a while. Well that's it for now I think I said to much and it time to stop.