over it

I am so over it I couldn't believe it. I got told it my turn and tell you I don't mine being my turn for my mum. This weekend Im off out with my besties and old school friends and work mates and staying out in town and but now it my turn and I asked if one of them could do. No we being going up and it your turn and we have a life. Gee when they cant make it I do for them but when I ask no no no.. All I can go to hell and Im so over them all.

This is crap

This feeling of be so down and understanding why. Feeling like shit is not fun at all. All I want to do just drink and Not think and feel. Sometimes I wish this would just stop. It hurt to feel this way and I just sit and cry. Please can anyone stop this and just finish it. Maybe I stop it.

I didn't know

I was glad to know but I was hurt as well. I didn't know and now Im going have to watch what I do even closer, than before. Hey that's life.

life

I'm looking forward going back to work, beats sitting here doing nothing, well I sleep half the day. I need to fined something to do during holidays, it very lonely on your own. I think that when the depression gets worst with nothing to keep your mind off things. last week I was flat out this week I cant be bother but wish I did. Yeah i know I could see my daughter but it doesn't help when she makes me feel more depress. Does that make me a bad mum???

all about me

The last two day haven't been easy for me. Yesterday I didn't want to get up at all. Depression is a illness and can be very disconnected from the world and everyone in it. No one would understand what you go through because it to hard to explain. This is me at the moment don't want anyone in my life again and it very hard but Im trying to get through the days. The tears are coming and going but its the not getting up out of bed this what depression is. write more later. It so easy just say goodbye to this life and hope my next life will be better. I have read so much on this and I just think everyone thinks take some tablet and everything be alright, well it not. I don't blame my behaviour on my depression and don't think anyone should. Yeah I have depression but who i am and I trying to get help for it. Someday I wish I could just end it and then at least it will be over for everyone and no one needs to worry about me any more. Well thats it for now I have to go and write more in my diary..